Make This Feeling Go Away
by Greenstuff
Summary: Regina can't let Robin give up his honor to be with her. At least, not while his wife is still frozen by the Snow Queen's curse. Snow White told her that if she 'stays the course' her happiness will come, she just hopes Snow is right about this one because saving Marian is going to take drastic measures. AU after 4x09.
1. Chapter 1: Stay the Course

"_If you stay the course your happiness will come"_

– **Snow White**

Chapter 1: Stay the Course

Regina doesn't know who else she was expecting on the other line, seeing as everyone who would call her is within shouting distance, or off in a ridiculous snit that is probably going to end in death. Still, when Robin's voice hits her ear she's surprised. No, not surprised. Surprised is too soft a word. It doesn't come anywhere near describing the jolt of joy, anger, pain, hope, and fear that zips through her nerves with the force of a lightning bolt, leaving her slightly numb and trembling just enough she's glad it's dark out and Snow probably can't see.

"I've just found something you have to see, right now."

His tone is… urgent? no, excited. She can practically hear his grin, all dimples and shining eyes and boyish excitement. It sends another shock through her nerves, this one mostly fear, although there's excitement too and, though it's such a new sensation she struggles for a moment to name it, there's hope.

"Right now?" Part of her, the part that is excited and not afraid to hope, wants to run to him right now, but the Saviour is in danger and she's one of the good guys now which means saving Emma Swan has to come first. "I'm sorry but I'm in the middle—"

Snow places a firm hand on her arm, cutting her off. Regina lowers the phone to her shoulder and turns to her step-daughter. "Go." Snow is smiling. Regina can practically see the shining hope in her eyes and for one this doesn't irritated her. Before she can ask _Are you sure?_ Snow smiles, "We've got this."

"He found something." Regina can hear the wonder in her tone and she's again happy for the darkness and the isolation so only Snow can see and hear her. She's embarrassed by the welling hope in her chest. She's a villain. She has no right to the fluttering feeling in her chest, the half formed thoughts ricocheting inside her mind. She had no right to hope, because she has no right to a happy ending, not after everything she has done.

"Maybe it worked" Snow looks entirely too smug, yet, for once Regina wants to hug her more than hurt her. Maybe..? No. She knows what is in store for people like her, she shouldn't let herself hope. It will only make the pain worse when life turns out how she knows it has to.

"Well if it did, I owe you a quarter." She tries to make it a joke. She's hopeful now. She can't help it. She feels like she floating, like she's invincible, like somehow someway she will finally going to get a taste of what it's like to be a Snow White or Belle or Emma Swan, what it's like to be a hero. She tries to squelch the traitorous, _dangerous_, feeling as she raises phone back to ear and says "I'll be right there," but she can't.

For the first time in a very long time, Regina has hope.

Snow offers her David's truck, but Regina refuses. She wants to walk, needs to. There's a nervous energy thrumming through her veins and she doesn't trust herself behind the wheel. But there's another reason, even as hope surges through her there's a small practical part of her brain that tells her no matter what Robin found, or thinks he found, it doesn't change anything. That part of her brain tells her to hang on to this euphoric feeling as long as she can, because there's no way it will last. So she walks, and she tries to hold on to the feeling of hope.

.

The library is a strange meeting place and Regina finds herself freezing for a moment before opening the door. She hasn't been able to pass by here once since Emma Swan decided to stay in Storybrooke without remembering the day the clock hands began to move again and she knew that her curse was breaking. That moment was one of absolute terror. She wasn't happy, but at least, unlike back in the Enchanted Forest, no one else was happy either. It wasn't the fulfilment she had imagined from the curse, but it was darkly satisfying to watch Snow White and her ridiculous Prince Charming trying and failing to find one another. Now she feels shame when she thinks of how much pleasure she tried to derive out of their misery. That guilt, along with the relief she had felt when splitting Snow's heart in two somehow worked to keep David alive, tell Regina that she really has changed. Even if at times she still gives in to her more basic nature, which still gravitates towards the dark like a moth to a flame.

She has changed, but she will never stop being The Evil Queen, not really. The traitorous thump-thumping of her heart as she turns the knob and opens the library door testifies to that. She should be avoiding Robin. She should push him away, make him forget about her so he can save his wife. But she can't. She wants him in her life. He makes her feel like Regina Mills, a woman and a mother, instead of The Evil Queen, a monster who destroyed everyone's happiness out of pure spite. So she let him kiss her whenever he tried, let him run his hands over her bare skin and burry himself inside her, and she will let him again, because she wants to be the woman he sees when he looks at her. But she knows, deep down where she hides the thoughts too painful to look at regularly, that by letting him love her she isn't becoming that woman, she's reverting to old patterns. If she keeps this up she isn't going to be 'just Regina' anymore; her resilient heart is going to darken further until even the bright point that is her love, for Robin and for Henry, fades to black.

"If you stay the course, your happiness will come." Snow's words stab at her like a knife. Stay the course, _sure, like it's easy_. Staying the course, making the right choice, means walking away. And here she is, pushing through the door, telling Robin _I got here as fast as I could _(A lie, but what about their relationship isn't at this point) _What's so important you couldn't say over the phone?_ and feeling like her heart is going to pound its way out of her chest. No wonder the author of the book didn't see fit to give her a happy ending. She hasn't really changed a bit.

Robin's blue eyes are glued to her face. There's a sparkle of excitement in them, and for perhaps the first time since his wife suddenly reappeared in their lives, she can't find a trace of guilt. That should maybe make her happy, but instead she feels her own guilt triple. He gestures down to the table and her eyes follow his hands, a dart of amused exasperation running through her when she sees the story book, which should have been safe in her vault, spread open before him.

"The book you apparently stole from me? Yes, I remember it quite well." She can't hide a smile at his brazen response of _You knew I was a thief when you met me. _Indeed she did. She's sure there's a cheesy line she should be saying about him stealing her heart, but she's not quite that besotted yet. Although, the fact she finds his thievery charming rather than annoying tells her she's not far off.

When Robin hands her a folded piece of paper from his pocket, Regina takes it in fingers that tremble slightly in anticipation. She sends him what she hopes is a smile, but she fears probably came out as a tense grimace. The paper feels familiar and when she unfolds it and sees an illustration, her first thought is _He ripped a page out of my book?_ But then she actually looks at the image and gasps. "This is us?" Them kissing to be specific. A long time ago. When she was just Regina. Long hair loose, dressed in peasant garb instead of the carefully structured clothing she had worn like armour as Queen.

Robin points to the picture. "Yes." He confirms. "Inside the pub."

Regina can indeed see a familiar looking chandelier. _But how…?_ "I don't understand. This isn't what happened." She rounds the table as Robin turns to the corresponding page of the book. Two page twenty-threes. Regina stares at them in confusion. In Henry's book she walks away from Robin and the happy ending Tink promised, too afraid to put herself out there. That is what happened. Yet here, on a different page twenty-three, she has clearly chosen a different path.

"This is the meeting that we never had." Robin's voice penetrates her confusion and she finally gives it voice,_ What does it mean?_

She's afraid again. She can feel the fear creeping up like the tide, lapping away at the hope Snow had carefully coaxed out of her less than an hour ago. But when she looks up at Robin's face, it's awash in hope. He's telling her how this means she can have a happy ending, that fate isn't one path. And she wants to believe him. She wants to hope like he does so badly it almost hurts. Suddenly she needs to know more. "Well, where did you find it?" She scans the shelves, looking for a familiar spine. "Is there another book? What shelf?"

Robin's words _No. It was in my satchel_ bring her hopes crashing down again. There's no other book. No alternate history showing her as a hero. There's just this, a page without an author. A joke? The architect of this whole story book having some more fun at her expense?

Robin tries to explain and Regina tries to recapture her hope. It just appeared; "Like magic" she says softly. Maybe it's not a hoax. It's probably a hoax. But what did Mary Margaret say about hope? Regina can't remember the words specifically, but she knows her step daughter thinks hope has power. Maybe it is that simple. Maybe hope pays off. Regina isn't sure she believes it, but she wants to, so she forces her fear down into the depths where it belongs and lets herself decide that this is real, that this page means something_, _that it is the possibility that Robin believes it is.

She traces her fingers over the matching page numbers and for probably the thousandth time wishes she could go back to that day and walk through the doors of the pub. They could have been happy for decades by now. Roland could be her child.

But then she wouldn't have Henry.

When she thinks of Henry she suddenly has less trouble believing Robin that there are multiple opportunities for happiness. Yes, she could have walked through the pub door that night and lived happily ever after with Robin. But if she had, she never would have met Henry. Henry probably wouldn't have even been born. Neal would be in this world, and Emma in the Enchanted Forest, blithely living their lives never knowing that if they had met at the right time in the right place they would create the most perfect little boy in all the realms.

"Hope." Robin says, "That's not something that would ever happen to a villain. Is it?" He's invading her personal space again, something he's been doing almost as long as she's known him. Leaning in, that hopeful, earnest look on his face.

Regina feels tears welling up in her eyes and she shakes her head mutely. She almost can't believe it, but she does. There is hope for her. If she just stays the course she won't throw away her next chance to be happy. Robin doesn't understand her when she tells him she owes someone a quarter, but the confused tilt of his head just makes her want to kiss him more than ever. So she does.

When Robin's hands slide down to cup her ass, tilting his hips against hers, Regina breaks away. They weren't going to do this again. "We can't." She breathes against his neck, her head leaning against his shoulder.

Robin's hands smooth up her back, holding her gently to him. "I know." His voice is husky and sad.

"You have to save her." Regina doesn't know why she says it. They both know. But maybe he needs the reminder as much as she sometimes does. Marian has been frozen for weeks now and it's easy for Regina to tell herself no one misses the woman. But she knows this can't go on forever. And the longer she lets Robin in, lets herself forget she can't have him, the more times she lets him kiss away her sorrow and his own, the more difficult it will be for her to do the right thing.

_Stay the course. S_he hopes Snow was right about this. The course is not looking very appealing right now.

"I can't." Robin's voice is tight and when he heaves a shuddering sigh, Regina realizes he's on the verge of crying.

She runs her hands soothingly over his back and presses a soft kiss against his throat. "You can and you will. For Roland, for yourself, and…" She draws a deep breath and lets it out slowly, giving herself a moment to decide if this is what she really wants. "For me."

Robin's arm tighten around her briefly, holding her so close she can barely breathe, as if he's trying to absorb her into himself. But then he lets her go, steps back and flashes her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'll be alright," she promises him. "She's your wife, Robin. You have to save her."

He opens his mouth to speak but she presses a hand gently over his mouth. "Don't. I'm going to stay out of your way for a while. Please, don't seek me out."

For what feels like forever, he holds her gaze and she thinks – hopes – that he's going to refuse. But then his eyes drop and he nods. "As you wish, Milady."

Regina stands there long after he has departed. Her back glued to the shelves behind her, the only thing she thinks is keeping her upright. She notices he's left her the book and the new page and she can't decide if she's hurt or grateful that he didn't try to keep either. Eventually she begins to feel the metal shelves digging into her back and she crosses the room on surprisingly steady legs to gather up the book.

Her hands are less steady than her legs and she has no sooner picked up the book but it's tumbled from her hands and landed with a loud thwack on the floor at her feet. She stoops to pick it up, but is suddenly frozen by the image on the page it fell open to. "Of course," she murmurs, a plan forming quickly in her mind. It's drastic, but everything else has failed. And, really, what does she have to lose?

"Stay the course, Regina." She whispers, gathering up the book again and, with renewed purpose, exiting the library. She needs to talk to Gold.


	2. Chapter 2: Forget Me

Chapter 2: Forget Me

It's only been two days since the library, and already Robin misses Regina so much he can barely focus. He's trying to do what she asked. He's enlisted Will and Little John to help him remember all of the reasons why he once was in love with Marian, but every story they tell only serves to remind him of Regina. It doesn't make sense. Marian was, _is_ (he can't quite make him brain accept the fact that Marian exists for him in the present tense), sweet and selfless and never harmed a single person unless she absolutely had to. Regina had cursed an entire land, and killed thousands, just to get revenge on a child. Yet, while Will talks about how Marian risked her life to save a villager's child, all he can see is Regina sweeping Roland out of the way and turning the flying money into a toy for him to cuddle.

"It's not working, is it?" Will interrupts his own story to ask.

Robin rubs a hand over his face and groans. "It doesn't make sense."

"Love never really does." Will says sagely, as if he's an expert.

Then again, when Robin thinks of all the things Will has sacrificed for love he thinks that maybe the lad is an authority on the subject after all. "So what do I do?"

Will shrugs. "I can't answer that for you. I've never been forced to choose between my first love and my soul mate."

"No, I suppose your first love was your soul mate." Robin realizes he sounds bitter, but he can't help it. This is impossible.

Will doesn't say anything. But a new crease appears in his brow and he pulls a flask out of his jacket and pours them each a generous serving.

"Wasn't she?" Robin presses. He doesn't know why it suddenly matters, but the knave's silence about the woman he sacrificed everything for is the first thing that has really distracted Robin from the impossibility of his situation in nearly 48 hours.

"I loved Ana, still do I suppose," Will says, eyes glued to his mug of whiskey, "but no, she wasn't my soul mate."

Robin wants to pry further, to ask what had happened since they last met in Sherwood all those years ago, but he can't quite bring himself to. He knows how reluctant he would be to try and explain his predicament to anyone not already familiar with the basics. So instead he drains the whiskey and remains silent.

"Ana isn't dead, if that's what you're thinking." Will says suddenly. He meets Robin's sympathetic gaze levelly. "She's in Wonderland, doing what she always wanted, ruling a kingdom, untouchably powerful." He shrugs, "I'll always love her, but we just didn't want the same things."

"And that's why you don't think she's your soul mate?" Robin feels kind of ripped off. He and Marian never wanted the same things, but if they had he wouldn't have loved her like he did. Marian's differences made Robin a better man. Will had seen some of the changes, he should know this.

Will laughs. It's a bitter sound. "No, that's not why she's not my soul mate."

Robin signals Granny that they would like another round of coffee and waits for the younger man to continue. It seems his companion wants to talk, and it's a welcome break from suffocating on the miasma of his own problems.

"I always thought Ana was my soul mate. But then…" He shakes his head. "But no matter. Weren't we trying to fix your love life?"

Robin swallows the question about what (or who) had made Will decide he and Ana were not soul mates after all. He settles instead for a glare. "It's no use."

"You just haven't had enough whiskey."

"Whiskey isn't a permanent solution." Robin chides, but he accepts the flask when it's offered and adds a healthy glug of whiskey to the dregs of his coffee. "I have a son to take care of."

"Has anyone told you about how the first curse was broken?" Will asks, suddenly looking more animated than Robin has seen him in a while.

"No." Robin isn't sure what this has to do with his situation, but he listens anyway as Will explains about the first curse and how Emma Swan, the Savior, the woman he knows only as co-parent to Regina's son, broke it when she believed in magic and kissed her son.

"So?" he asks when Will finishes. "I already believe in magic. My kiss did nothing for Marian."

"Not _your_ kiss," Will rolls his eyes. "Someone else, someone who loves Marian without any complications."

When Robin realizes what Will is saying he wonders why they didn't think of it before. "Roland?" A bubble of hope forms in his chest. "Do you think it could work?"

Will shrugs. "No harm trying is there?"

Robin considers that. As much as he wants to break the spell and free Marian, he's not willing to risk any harm to their son. He's managed to keep Roland from having to see his mother as a block of ice, worried the sight would permanently scar the toddler, but more than that, not wanting to have to explain to his son why he couldn't just kiss Marian himself and make everything okay. Living in the Enchanted Forest and then in Storybrooke, Roland knew full well that True Love's Kiss was supposed to solve everything.

"I can't," he says.

Will raises his eyebrows. "You can't?"

Robin sighs. "I can't take the risk that it won't work. Roland doesn't know it, but it's been thirty years since he say his mother. He was only two years old when she disappeared. It's a miracle he remembers her at all."

"And you don't want him to feel like he's responsible if she doesn't make it."

He nods. "It's selfish, I know. But I can't risk my son."

Will laughs. "It's not selfish mate. It's the opposite of selfish. You're willing to give up your soul mate so that your son won't suffer. Not many people are lucky enough to have a father like you."

"An adulterous thief, oh yes, Roland is a lucky lad."

Will wisely ignores the maudlin comment, letting Robin stew in his own misery undisturbed.

Robin knows he's not being entirely fair, not to himself or to Roland, but he can't shake the self-loathing he feels. He's so helpless. The only way to save Marian is True Love's Kiss, except he loves another. Even if he could forget Regina, his love for Marian has changed, he fears irrevocably. He will always love her, but as one of his oldest friends, the mother of his child, a genuinely good person, not in the way he once loved her, and never in the way he loves Regina. Even at their best, he doesn't know if he ever loved Marian the way he loves Regina. He doesn't feel whole without her.

He became a man of honor because Marian urged him to, but he didn't really know what that meant until Regina. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor isn't honor. He knows that now. It's just stealing that he's justified, rationalized, claimed as noble because he loves the thrill of getting away with it, loves the adoration of the villages he gifted with his ill-gotten gains. Honour is doing what's right, even when it seems impossible.

Regina is an honorable woman. Not that she would ever accept the label. When she walked away and told him not to try and see her she could barely look at him, and when she did he could see the tears glistening in her eyes and hear the pain in her voice. She loves him back, but unlike him, she has the strength to put his needs before her own. She could easily have let him lift her up and lay her out on the table. Let him kiss reverent trails down her body, worshipping her with his mouth. He would never have blamed her, would have thanked her for every second she let him be with her. But every moment would have been wrong.

If he was the honorable man he claims to be, he would have never shown up at her vault that day. He would never have told her why the kiss didn't work. He would have walked away once and only once. Or, he would have told Marian that day in the diner when she reappeared in their lives that he loved another and that he couldn't be a true husband for her any longer. But he isn't an honorable man. He's selfish and cowardly. He clung to his self-righteousness, claiming he could never break his vows to Marian, while breaking them every day in his thoughts and deeds as he continues to love Regina, feed and fostering that love, protecting it from any challenge, and all the while praising his self-denial. He isn't just dishonorable, he is a fool.

"Robin Hood," a smooth voice interrupts the downward spiral of his thoughts.

Robin looks up into the smiling face of Rumpelstiltskin. For no explicit reason, the man makes Robin's skin crawl. "At your service." He says, his words welcoming though his tone and expression are decidedly not.

"Now, now, is that anyway to talk to a man who has come to solve all your problems?" Rumpelstiltskin smiles his slick smile and produces a small bottle from his coat pocket.

"What is that?" Will asks, eyeing it suspiciously.

"None of your business," Rumpelstiltskin bares his teeth just a little in Will's direction. "Why don't you go drink at the bar? I need a moment alone with Master Hood."

Will looks like he's about to show his strong distaste for Rumpelstiltskin's tone with his fists, so Robin shakes his head and says, "It's fine, Will. We'll talk soon."

Still looking at Rumpelstiltskin like he wishes he could flatten him, Will slides out of the booth and moves out of earshot, intercepting Granny with fresh coffees for their table. Robin can see him trying to sneakily add whiskey to both and Granny's exasperated eye roll when the flask slips from his fingers and clatters to the floor.

Rumpelstiltskin tilts the bottle. The liquid inside catches the light, drawing Robin's eyes back to its contents. "What is that?"

"Let's just say it will give you what you need to save that pretty wife yours. Hmm?"

"I'm supposed to just take your word on that then?"

"Oh, it doesn't come from me, dearie. I'm just the messenger."

Robin nods, not needing to say her name to known it is Regina who has sent him the potion. Rumpelstiltskin seems like a strange messenger, but Robin trusts Regina implicitly, and if she thinks this will help, he's willing to try. And there really is no one else with magic in Storybrooke who she might trust with an errand. Robin doesn't understand the relationship Regina and Rumpelstiltskin share, but he can see that despite a general animosity they rely on one another. He takes the proffered bottle and holds it up to the light. It looked clear, but it isn't quite. There's a pearlescent quality that breaks sunlight into rainbows. "How do I know this isn't just poison?"

His question is answered with a cackle of laughter. "And what would be the benefit for me in killing you?"

"Entertainment?" Robin suggests acerbically.

"Believe me, the results of you waking up your Marian will provide me with plenty of entertainment."

Robin winces.

"Oh come now, what did you think was going to happen? You wake up your once-dead wife and then she, you and Regina live happily ever after? You really have been living in the forest too long."

The Dark One's words hit a little too close to home for Robin's comfort. Somehow, with Marian out of sight and the knowledge that he can't wake her up, he was able to forget that this really could not end happily for all of them. Someone was going to get hurt, or all of them. He hadn't been foolish enough to think that Regina could cure Marian and they could all get along, but somehow he had been able to compartmentalize and cherish every second Regina allowed him to spend by her side without following through to the logical conclusion that he was only hurting them both. Having his naive, short sighted, selfishness thrown in his face so snidely made him want to punch the grin off Rumpelstiltskin's face. "If I drink this you'll go away?"

More laughter. "In a moment, there's just one thing missing." Before Robin can react, Rumpelstiltskin has plucked the bottle from his hands and a hair from his head. He drops the hair into the potion and the contents go cloudy white before clearing up, with a slightly greener hue. The bottle is pressed back into his hands. "Bottoms up."

With one last suspicious look at Rumpelstiltskin, Robin uncorks the bottle and upends it in his mouth, momentarily not even caring if it is poison. It tastes surprisingly pleasant, like apples and cedar smoke and something he can't quite identify. He swallows it down and feels cool fingers of magic coiling through his body and then nothing.

"Shall we go?" Rumple is smiling down at him from the end of the table.

Robin blinks and shakes his head. He feels like he's forgotten something, but then he remembers Marian, lying frozen in a hospital bed, waiting for him and it doesn't matter what else he's forgotten, because he has to save her.

.

True to her word, Regina stays far away from Robin. She isn't mayor anymore, which means she doesn't really have any work to do or anywhere she has to be, so she catches up on housework and spends far too much time thinking. Every day she expects Henry to call with the good news: Marian has been cured. But the call doesn't come and she begins to doubt that Rumpelstiltskin is going to hold up his end of their deal.

Today she is down in her vault. She's gone through every book she has a dozen times and found nothing that will help. She slams yet another book closed with a huff of frustration. Short of killing the ice witch, or Robin falling back in love with his popsicle of a wife, she can't think of a way to save Marian. She gets to her feet and in a few short strides is standing before her chest, drawing a drawer open and lifting Marian's heart out of its hiding place.

It glows softly in her hand, pulsing regularly. There's not a trace of black on it and for a fleeting second Regina wants to crush it to dust. Instead, she raises it to her lips and shouts "Wake up!" so loudly the words echo off the stone chamber. "Please," she says more softly. "He needs you, and I'm out of options."

Her cellphone rings and she quickly, carefully, deposits Marian's heart back in its box. "Hello?" she barks sharply into the receiver.

"Come now Dearie, no need to snap, I did you a favour." Gold's voice is smooth like an oil slick and it sends a shiver down her spine.

"So, it's done?"

"Just as you requested. He is on his way to save her as we speak."

"And you're calling me because…?" Regina knows she doesn't sound as disinterested as she wishes, but the chuckle she gets in return for her question is really uncalled for. She almost disconnects the line, but Gold's next words stop her.

"You have something they'll be wanting returned, dearie. Surely you haven't forgotten that the girl needs her heart."

Regina's eyes dart guiltily to the box she closed seconds earlier. Of course they will want the heart back, and they will need her to put it where it belongs. Somehow she hadn't thought that part of the plan through. "I'll bring it to the hospital when I finish here."

"Tick tock, tick tock." He says in a laughing sing-song voice.

Regina disconnects the call and tosses her phone on the desk. Well then, it's happening today. She should be happy. Her plan worked, and soon Robin and Marian will go live peacefully in the forest. She will recover ….eventually, and one day fate will offer her another chance and this time she will grasp it with both hands and hold on tight.


	3. Chapter 3: Wake Up

Chapter 3: Wake Up

The Storybrooke hospital is not a place Regina has fond memories of. During the first curse it had served her well as a storage place for people she would rather have left behind entirely to ensure they didn't get in her way. But since then, she had only entered when she needed to, meaning that most of the memories that assailed her when she neared were of Henry sick, or trying and failing to protect the Charmings' son from Zelena. She supposes it's fitting that today will be added to that list of unpleasant memories. She's grateful that they didn't decide to leave Marian at the Charmings' residence. Today is going to be plenty painful without Snow's pitying looks.

She barely spares a second glance at the nurse sitting behind the reception desk. Regina may avoid the hospital most days, but she still knows its layout better than some of the staff.

If anyone thinks it's strange to see the former mayor, former Evil Queen, now most avoided town citizen walking quickly down the corridor with a wooden box cradled in both hands, they have the good sense not to make it known. In fact, people cut her a wide berth, as if they sense instinctively that today, even more than most, is not the day to get in Regina's way. She pauses for a moment outside of Marian's room, sucking in a deep, steadying breath and plastering a polite smile on her face she turns the door knob.

Apart from Marian lying perfectly still and obviously frozen in the hospital bed the room is empty. Regina places the box containing Marian's heart on the bedside table and she's tempted to walk out. But until the heart is safety back in Marian's chest she would be a fool to let it out of her sight. Robin trusted her immensely when he let her take Marian's heart, she will not betray that trust, even if the thought of having to be here to witness the happy reunion of man and wife is horrifying. So, instead of fleeing, she leans against the footboard of the bed, looking down at Marian's frozen face. "You'll make him happy, won't you?" She asks in a soft voice, though she knows Marian can neither hear not respond. "He deserves that. So does Roland."

Even though she knows it's stupid and she would want to be swallowed by the floor to cover her embarrassment if anyone walked in, Regina can't help talking to Marian. There's something about the sterile, silent hospital room completely devoid of the usual beeps of machinery or even the huff of a patient breathing. It feels like a place where you should whisper, like an empty church. "I'm sorry, Marian. For everything. I'm sorry I don't remember you. I'm sorry I ordered your death and stole you away from your sweet, sweet little boy and your husband. I'm sorry I fell in love with your husband. If I'd known… well, I don't know that it would have made much difference. I didn't set out to love him, but… well you know Robin. How could I not love him?"

She sighs. "I guess I will find a way. You don't have to worry about me, you know. I will do anything in my power to protect Robin, and that means you and Roland too. You're his family, his world. I could never forgive myself if I let anything happen to you that would hurt him. I'm sorry I can't promise to look out for you for your own sake, but I'm only human. More flawed than most. But I am trying. I'm staying the course, whatever that means, and trying to believe it's not too late for me. You probably think that's ridiculous. But then, you have a fresher memory of the old me than anyone else here.

"Did Robin ever tell you about me? I bet you were horrified, especially when you found out how much time I spent with your little boy. But you don't need to be. I have a soft spot for little boys." Regina smiled as she thought of Henry when he was Roland's age. "I have a son. He's a teenager now. Almost grown up. It's hard to believe that he used to be little like Roland. It's been a long time since I could make Henry happy just by buying him some rocky road or reading him a bedtime story. You missed two years of Roland's life because of me. I'll always be sorry for that. But you'll have the rest of your life to watch him grow into the wonderful man he is going to become. You just need to wake up today, just wake up and everything will be al-."

"Who are you and what are you doing to my wife?"

Regina whirls around and comes face to face with Robin, looking fiercer than she has ever seen him. His mouth is set in a firm line and there are deep, worried creases in his brow. His hand twitches towards where his bow should be, but of course he has come to the hospital unarmed.

"Regina Mills," She extends her hand, gluing a polite smile on her face and hoping he can't see the pain that's making it difficult for her to draw breath. "You must be Robin."

"I am. Are you a physician?" He's looking at her with a deep distrust.

Regina swallows and digs her nails into her palm so tightly she thinks she might draw blood. Where the hell is Gold? He's supposed to be here so she doesn't have to be. She can't be. Seeing Robin like this, with every memory he had of her, good and bad alike, swept away by the potion she asked, begged really, Gold to make is too much. Not even her heart is this resilient.

"I asked Regina to meet us here," Gold breezes into the room. "She is going to help restore your wife's heart once you have broken the curse."

Robin gives Regina a once over with his eyes, and what had been suspicion was now pure distaste. "This is the 'Evil Queen' who ripped out Marian's heart?" He asks coldly, his tone implying he doesn't think it is very plausible.

Regina wants to die. She expected this to be hard, knew it would hurt her every time he looked past her when they passed in the street or worse, when they had to make polite chit chat at school or town events. Pretending not to know him, not to love him, would be nearly impossible, but she had believed it was necessary. She was trying to be a hero, not a martyr. But she hadn't thought about this: the revulsion on his face when all he knew about her were the stories people told of who she used to be. When her Robin who had always seen only the best in her, saw instead only the very worst. She had been prepared for his indifference, but she is not prepared for his hate. "I'll just… give you some privacy." She mutters, quickly stepping towards the exit.

Gold looks like Christmas, Easter and his birthday have all come at once. "Alright, Hood, hop to it. I haven't got all day." He steps into Regina's path. "Stick around, dearie, this shouldn't take long."

Robin approaches the bed and Regina finds she can't look away as he bends to kiss his wife. The last time they tried this she hadn't been able to watch, so sure that it would work, that he had only ever cared for her because Marian was gone and Regina was there. But then it didn't work, and he told her it was because he loved her, Regina. It seemed impossible, wonderful and tragic all at once. Now, he doesn't love Regina. He doesn't even remember Regina. So her eyes are glued to his face as he bends and presses his lips to Marian's.

.

Marian's lips are blocks of ice under his. Smooth, freezing, unfamiliar. Still, despite the discomfort of pressing his lips against hers, in a kiss that feels like he is sharing it with a statue in the dead of winter more than with his wife, Robin tries to pour all of the love he ever had for her into it. After a few awkward seconds he pulls back, looking eagerly at her face, hoping against all reason that it worked, that she will come back to him.

She looks the same.

He hears a gasp from behind him and turns to glare at the Evil Queen. Rumpelstiltskin assured him that Regina had nothing to do with Marian's state, except for her role in keeping his wife alive, but Robin had been chased by black guards for years, he knows better than to trust the Queen.

"It didn't work." He can't tell if Rumpelstiltskin sounds pleased or disappointed by this turn of events. "What do you think of that dearie?"

Robin turns and realizes that it's the Queen, not Robin, Rumpelstiltskin is addressing. The Queen who looks confused and upset. If she's pretending, she's a better actress than he would have supposed based on the obviously fake smile she gave when he entered the room.

"I-I don't know."

Robin rises to his feet. He is suddenly very tired and he wants to go back to the camp and cuddle his son. He knew this was a long shot. He once heard tales of those afflicted by Midas' touch, who were encased in gold and could not be freed, not even by True Love's kiss. Perhaps this curse is the same. "What now?"

Rumpelstiltskin cocks his head to one side and casts his eyes towards the queen. "What say you dearie? I think we're out of options."

Regina looks Robin straight in the eyes. He's surprised to see tears gathered along her lashes. Her voice is choked, "I'm sorry, Robin. This was our last resort. Unless Emma can defeat the Snow Queen, I don't know what else to try."

"In the Enchanted Forest, I heard stories of a lake." Robin says, inspiration slowly dawning. "A lake whose waters could restore something that had been lost to its original form." Robin has no idea if it is even possible to return to the Enchanted Forest, but he's not ready to give up on Marian, not yet, not ever.

"The lake was drained years ago." Regina tells him, looking sad. "When David killed the guardian, it left the waters open for all who wanted them and every drop was used."

"So we go back to before he killed the guardian."

"That's not possible…"

"The witch, she created a portal through time. That was how Marian came to be here. Don't tell me that the Dark One and the Evil Queen can't figure out how to duplicate a spell the Wicked Witch was able to pass." He knows he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. If there is magic anywhere in any time or realm that will restore Marian, he has to try. "I lost Marian once already, I won't do it again. Not if there is any chance."

.

It takes every ounce of Regina's self-control not to fling herself across the room and try to kiss away the fear and sorrow on Robin's face. He looks entirely bereft. "Traveling through time is against the rules of magic. It's incredibly dangerous. Hook and Emma nearly undid everyone in Storybrooke's lives when she and Hook were trying to get home." She shakes her head, "I'm sorry, but even if we could cast that spell, it's not right."

"Not right?" Robin's voice rises incredulously. "The Evil Queen is telling me that she can't (won't) help save my wife because 'it wouldn't be right'?"

Gold pats Regina on the shoulder and whispers, "Looks like you have it under control." Before Regina realizes he is leaving, he has disappeared out the door, leaving her alone with Robin.

"If I go back to try and get the water, I could end up making everything worse than it already is. The Snow Queen is only here because of Zelena's portal."

"And she has almost killed my wife." Robin looks like he thinks this is entirely Regina's fault for being related to Zelena.

"Even if I could find a way to gather all the ingredients, or use them without destroying them, there's no guarantee I could cast the spell to get to the Enchanted Forest, let alone get back again with the water." As soon as the words leave her mouth, Regina realizes her mistake. She has just told him she is willing to try. And even if this Robin, who looked at her with suspicion and dislike, is alien to her, she knows Robin well enough to know he won't take no for an answer until she had tried everything possible to open the portal.

"I'm a thief, remember?" He said, flashing her a smile which disappeared all too quickly, "I can get you whatever you need. And you're the Evil Queen, a legendary sorceress, I'm confident you can figure out how to bleed out just enough life force to get what you want without actually letting anyone die."

Before, when Robin voiced his confidence in her, it always made Regina feel warm, safe, loved. He doesn't remember her. She took away those memories to save his wife, and he hates her. His words dig into her skin, each striking with perfect precision at the weakest chinks in her armor. "If you can get the ingredients, I will try." She snaps and then whirls out of the room before her calm façade crumbles completely.


	4. Chapter 4: Desperate Measures

Chapter 4: Desperate Measures

Regina has called herself a fool so many times since that afternoon in the hospital when Robin's kiss failed to reverse the Ice Queen's curse that the words have lost their meaning. It's taken a week for them to research Zelena's spell and gather the ingredients. At least now Robin doesn't look at her like he's afraid she will turn him into a toad when he's not looking. But spending this much time with him, pretending every interaction doesn't stab, is exhausting. She's almost looking forward to escaping back to a place and time where she will of necessity keep entirely to herself.

Almost. But not quite.

She has come so far in many ways, and she doesn't relish the ideas of being confronted full on with her many mistakes. If she does have to interact with anyone in the Enchanted Forest, she doesn't know if she will be able to hold her tongue when they inevitably decry the evil of the Queen. She's grown rather used to being seen as Regina Mills, even the dwarves have accepted, albeit grudgingly, that she isn't instantly to be suspected of every misdeed that occurs within forty miles of Storybrooke.

She isn't sure the spell will work a second time. They have the ingredients they needed, a mind, true courage, her resilient heart, and a product of true love, but no one was there when Zelena's magic completed the spell and her half-sister hadn't left behind any convenient how-to guides. Still, Gold seemed to think it would work. He'd even offered her his wand to ensure she could cast a spell to come back. At which point, Robin had demanded to know why Gold wasn't going back himself. But Gold had merely laughed and assured Robin that if he went back in time it wouldn't be to face off against a legendary monster they couldn't kill without risking throwing all of their history into question just to save a woman who should have been dead for decades. After that, Robin didn't question Regina's motives aloud, or suggest any substitutions. Something about Gold's explanation brought home the dangers of what they were attempting in a way Regina's explicit warnings had not.

The sun is just beginning to rise, lighting up the sky in shades of purple and deep blue, when they gather at the site Zelena used to cast her spell. Regina feels unbearably awkward in the tights, vest, and cloak she has donned so she will not stick out if she is seen by anyone on her quest. She looks like a poor imitation of Snow White on the run from the Evil Queen. She would have been much happier donning a corset, shoulder pads, and dark eye makeup and posing as herself, but for obvious reasons this would be safer.

"You look fine." Snow says, placing a reassuring hand on Regina's shoulder.

Regina laughs. "I look like you used to."

"Exactly." A dimple forms in Snow's cheek as she holds back her mirth.

A little ways away, Regina can see Emma climbing out of her bright yellow Volkswagen, Hook close on her heels. In case anything goes wrong, she's asked them all to be here. The last thing the town needs is another Snow Queen popping out of the ground like a vindictive daisy.

"You're doing the right thing, you know." Snow says.

"Am I?" Regina isn't so sure. Giving Robin the potion felt right. It had hurt too much to be wrong. But this… It feels selfish.

"I'm proud of you."

Regina snorts.

"I mean it." Snow takes her by both shoulders and waits until Regina reluctantly meets her gaze. "You're a good person, Regina. I know this has been _impossibly_ hard, and yet, here you are. You're risking everything to protect someone else's happy ending."

"Have you ever thought I might be doing this just so I can get them out of my life for good?"

"Nice try, but I see the good in you. You're not going to convince me otherwise with some lame story about how selfish you are." Snow gestures to the small group of people gathered a respectful distance away. "Would we all be here, willing to help you, if this wasn't the right thing to do?"

"You've done stupider things." Regina replies without rancour.

Snow doesn't respond. Her attention has been caught by something, someone, past Regina's head. "Well, I'll leave you two to it." She says, giving Regina's arm a final squeeze before stepping away to join her daughter.

Regina turns and comes face to face with Robin. He's dressed like he was when they first met over a year ago, in the Enchanted Forest, right down to the bow slung across his shoulder and the stubborn expression.

"Good morning, Robin." If Regina's voice cracks a little on his name, she blames the cool morning air.

"I'm coming with you."

Regina lets out a huff of incredulous laughter. "No. You're not."

"She's my _wife_."

The words echo with meanings Robin can't remember, but Regina does, and it's a moment before she can collect herself to respond. Those words, _she's my wife_, have broken her so many times, she thinks she might never be able to hear them, no matter the context, without wanting to break something in return. But now is not the time for melodramatic breakdowns. She shakes her head. "This is a one person job, and you have a son to protect."

"As have you."

His words are like a slap to her face. Does he really think she hasn't thought about that? That she isn't terrified that somehow this will go wrong and she will end up trapped back before Henry was even born, and never see his sweet, smiling face again? "Henry has his grandparents and his biological mother. If anything happens to me, he will be well looked after. Roland has no one but you."

"My merry men will take care of Roland no matter what fate has in store for me. I will not sit here idly when I could help save my wife." Robin is in her personal space, so close to her the clouds of their breath in the cold morning air become one. "I lost Marian once through my blunders, I won't lose her again the same way."

Regina can't look directly at him. Not when he's standing so close she can smell him, like rainwater on salal, and cedar smoke, and rich, peaty earth – like a forest, like Robin. She can't speak, she can barely breathe. His scent surrounds her and she closes her eyes and focuses on breathing shallowly and trying not to let his presence get to her. She knows he doesn't remember her, she's painfully aware of what she and Gold have done and why. She reminds herself of Marian. They're doing this for Marian. This isn't for Regina, or for Robin, it's for his wife. _She's my __**Wife**_. She lets his words play over in her mind until the desperate desire to close the distance between them fades into familiar numbness.

Her voice when she finally finds it is cold, imperious, more like the Evil Queen than Regina Mills. "Unless you have some heretofore undiscovered talent for magic, you are of no use to me. It takes magic to get there, and more magic to return here. If something happens to me, you will be trapped forever in the past, in a land where every change you make could undo your very existence, the existence of your son." She finds somehow the strength to turn her cold eyes to his, "You're staying here."

"The chances of something happening to you decrease exponentially with me watching your back." Robin's smirk is both irritating and achingly familiar.

"Think pretty highly of yourself do you Outlaw?" Regina can hear the flirtatious tone in her voice and wishes she could rip out her own tongue and choke on it.

His grin broadens.

Her heart constricts and she wishes she'd pulled it from her chest the minute she arrived.

They might have stood there, eyes caught on each other, breath mingling in the air, until the sun crested over the tops of the trees, but a discreet cough broke the spell. Regina looked to where Snow and the others stood. She cleared her throat. "Right. Everyone knows the drill?"

There is a chorus of yesses.

"Good." Without ceremony Regina reaches inside her chest and yanks her heart free. The gesture is fairly routine, she's done it more times than she can count by now. It's only the gasp from Robin, still standing so close that she feels the inhale of air as much as hears it, that reminds Regina that ripping out one's own heart is not actually a normal thing. It also reminds her of the day she had handed him her heart to protect and she's happy it's in her hand rather than her chest so the knife edge of pain at the sudden memory is blunter than it should be. She places her heart in its spot around the circle and looks at Emma Swan with a pointed glare. "You will protect this until I get back?"

Emma nods and mutters "Of course," though she doesn't meet Regina's eyes, no doubt fully aware that all of this is her fault.

Elsewhere around the circle, Gold, Snow, and David place the other objects she needs. When all four talisman are in place Regina moves to the center of the circle. "Stay well back." She commands, "The last thing we need is for someone to get accidentally taken, again. Who knows what the ripple effects of that would be." The not so subtle dig at Emma is too tempting to resist.

Robin takes a step as if he is going to follow her to the center of the circle and Regina rounds on him with real anger in her eyes. "Get back." She snaps, fear for his safety and a desperate need to escape his presence – which only brings her pain on top of pain – making her tone harsh. "If you want me to cast this spell and go back in time to try and help your wife you will _stay back_."

He opens his mouth to protest but she doesn't let him speak. "No. I am doing this _alone_. If you want to fret about someone maybe you should go look after your son instead of leaving him with a bunch of rough necked hooligans in the forest." The words are cruel. She needs them to be cruel. She needs him to listen and to back off and to let her do this for him – even if he will never understand why she is or what it costs her.

Robin steps back, a mutinous look on his face.

Regina waits until he is several paces away from the edge of the circle before moving to its center and beginning the spell. It takes all her concentration to draw just enough magic from the talismans to open the portal. Unlike Zelena, she cares that she doesn't draw all of the energy out of any of them, especially her own heart and Snow's baby boy – if she's honest she doesn't much care about David's True Courage or Gold's brain. She's so busy focusing on drawing just the right amount of energy and focusing it within the spell that she doesn't see Robin closing the distance, stepping into the circle, or hear Snow calling for him to get out.

There's a rushing in her ears and her eyes fill with golden light and then it's there, the portal. She's done it. She doesn't dare look around. She needs to focus on the exact moment, the exact place, she wants to go. She's not willing to waste a single moment longer in the past than she has to. She feels the ground dissolve beneath her feet and she chants 'Lake Nostros, full of water, guarded by the siren,' in her mind like a mantra, resolutely blocking out any other thought. But then a hand closes around her wrist and Regina's mind goes entirely blank for a moment. And then they're landing. She isn't alone. Another person, tall, broad and smelling like forest, lands squarely on top of her, knocking the wind from her chest.

Regina pushes him aside roughly and gasps for oxygen. When she no longer feels like a fish on dry land she turns her head cautiously to take in her surroundings. Forest as far as the eye can see. No lake anywhere. _Fantastic. _


	5. Chapter 5: Sherwood Forest

Chapter 5: Sherwood Forest

"Do you realize what you've done?" Regina's voice sounds a little hysterical, even to her own ears. But she can't seems to regain an acceptable level of calm.

Robin glares at her. "I'm sorry I didn't leave you to traipse through the forest alone, Milady. You clearly have this under control."

Regina clenches both hands into tight fists to keep from slapping him. "I had it under control, until you grabbed my arm and threw us off course." She casts her eyes around the small clearing they landed in, hoping she might had just missed the view of the lake, but it is forest as far as the eye can see. "Who knows where we are right now or how long it will take us to get to the lake."

"We're in Sherwood." Robin says, running a finger over a small x in the bark of a tree.

"You can tell that from a notch in a tree?" She replies skeptically. "I hate to break it to you, Outlaw, but every twentieth tree probably has a similar mark."

"Does every twentieth tree also look out over the King's Road just as I'm travelling down it?" He asked, not shifting his gaze away from the spot it's glued, somewhere just past Regina's left ear.

She whirls around and swallows a shriek. Less than one hundred feet away she can see Robin running lightly along the forest floor, a slightly glowing wand clutched in one hand. He should see them, he's within hearing distance, but he doesn't and when he disappears from her line of sight she lets out a sigh of relief. _That _was entirely too close for comfort.

She turns to face Robin, her face wrinkled in confusion.

"The last time I used magic to heal Marian." Robin says by way of explanation. "I must have thought of it when I entered the portal. I'll be meeting up with her and encountering Rumpelstiltskin not far up the road. We should leave."

Regina stares at him, her lips parted in shock. Why had he never told her? "But, you…you don't have magic." She stammers, realizing she's behind the conversation but unable to get past that one point.

"I stole it," a ghost of a smile flits over his lips. "I took a wand from the Dark One and used it to take away Marian's sickness."

"And lived to tell about it." It's the last part that is most impressive. Regina remembers Rumpelstiltskin in the old days, he was not to be trifled with.

"It would seem the Dark One has a soft spot for children."

"Don't we all." Regina murmurs so softly she doesn't think Robin hears.

"Come," Robin reaches out a hand as if to take her by the arm and then draws back, thinking better of it. "If the lake is where you say, we have several days' journey, and I suspect being seen is something we should aim to avoid." Robin picks up the bag containing the storybook, which Regina dropped when they first landed, and slings it over his shoulder.

"_You_ know where we're going?"

"I have spent many, many years in these woods. I assure you I am as capable a guide as ever you could wish." Robin again makes a half move as if to touch her before catching himself. Instead, he tilts his head in the direction he wants her to go, his expression clearly asking her why she isn't getting a move on.

"Hmmph." Regina huffs in annoyance at his high handedness, but she takes a step in the direction he indicates. She wasn't planning on any of this. She was supposed to go through the portal alone, land at the edge of the water, somehow trick the siren of the lake into letting her gather enough water for Marian, and perhaps a small emergency stash so this crazy trip never had to be repeated, and then she would return to Storybrooke and her personal hell and it would be over.

"Something a tad faster than a stroll might be in order, your Majesty, if you don't wish to cross paths with Rumpelstiltskin in the next five minutes." Robin's tone is light, but she can read the tension in his brow.

"Lead on, Outlaw." She snaps. "Don't worry about me, I can hold my own."

"That I have no trouble believing." He flashes her a quick grin that is so much the Robin she met over a year ago in woods not unlike these that Regina's breath catches in her throat as she strides after him deeper into the woods.

.

Robin knows he was in Storybrooke for several months, but as they wind their way through the trees he feels like he never left. Sherwood is the same as ever, from the cheerful song of the occasional bird to the damp, homey smell of forest. Yet, _something_ is off. Not something in the forest, but something about him, or Regina, or he and Regina – but that's ridiculous because apart from the last few minutes there hasn't been a he and Regina – feels off center. There's a queer sort of ache in his chest, and a niggling feeling in his brain that he's forgotten something rather important.

It has to be Marian. It's the only explanation that makes sense. This off-centered feeling is because the dark haired beauty following close on his heels should be his wife. The ache in his chest is because he misses Marian, and Roland. Thinking of his son brings on a wave of guilt and Robin quickly turns his mind away. If this works, Roland never need know his father was ever gone. If it doesn't… but he can't think of that either. This will work. It has to. He focuses all his energy on listening to the forest and trying to ignore the nagging emptiness he can't quite rationalize away.

Hearing the sound of horses' hooves and the quiet squeak of a wheel not far off, Robin comes to a sudden halt. Regina collides into his back and, without thinking, Robin pushes her behind the nearest tree and slaps a hand over her mouth. When their eyes meet he raises his free hand to his lips and gestures that she should be silent.

She nods against his hand and he lets her go. They stand behind the tree, only a few inches separating their bodies. Regina closes her eyes and leans her head back against the tree trunk. Robin stands still as a statue, alert to every noise. He's braced one hand on Regina's waist without even realizing it. It's only when the wagon he heard finally moves out of hearing range and he looks down at Regina's face – pale and tense, her eyes screwed up tight, her breaths coming in and out in a rhythm that is just a little too regular to be unconscious – that he realizes how close he is standing to the queen. He takes a step back and clears his throat, suddenly feeling awkward. "I heard someone up ahead, but they've moved on." He says, offering her what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

Regina's eyes open, but she doesn't immediately push away from the tree.

"Are you well, Milady?" Robin steps closer to her and, without thinking, reaches to smooth a stray strand of hair from her cheek. She flinches away from his touch as if it hurts and somehow the empty space in Robin's chest throbs. He draws back and turns his attention to the bag he carries. Surely the queen thought to pack some sustenance, or at least a bottle of water along with the story book – which seems like an odd thing to bring to the past if you ask Robin, which of course, she didn't.

"There are apples in the side pouch," Regina says. Her voice is subdued, the nearly combative tone she had been using with him all day gone and replaced with a tone Robin might have described as friendly, except for her reaction to his touch.

He fishes out an apple and holds it out to her. "You should eat something. We're safe here for the present time."

She turns the apple over in her hands, and Robin notices a faint blue glow before she separates her hands, half an apple held in each. She passes one half to Robin. "Who needs knives when you have magic?" She smiles, but the cheerfulness of the expression is confined to her mouth. Her eyes and brow still look tight with a discomfort Robin can't identify, and she is still incredibly pale.

.

Regina crunches on her half of the apple, calling herself every word for idiot she can think of. The reaction of her traitorous body to such cursory contact from Robin was so shameful she is surprised the tree at her back didn't spontaneously burst into flames from the heat of her shame. When he first slapped his hand over her mouth she had been tempted to bite it, so annoyed was she at his assumption he needed more than a look to tell her to keep quiet. But then he let her go and his hand had moved to her waist, holding her with gentle pressure in place and it had felt so familiar she could have been standing back in her vault, or in the Storybrooke library, with his lips teasing the smooth skin of her throat. That hand on her hip was _her _Robin, not the Robin who was guiding her through the woods in search of a cure for his wife. The hand on her hip was the Robin who tossed aside his code, his honor, because he couldn't bear being away from her. And for a single moment (before she came to her senses, closed her eyes and begun chanting 'she's his wife' over and over to herself) she thought that Gold's potion wasn't as effective as he thought, that the potion could only wipe away memories but never feelings, that Robin somehow felt as drawn to her as ever. But then sanity took over and she forced her mind to a more rational path. But that didn't stop every atom in her body from straining to be closer to him, to feel him pressed once again against her.

She's an idiot. More than that, she's an idiot who needs to keep a five foot distance between her and the Outlaw at all times, because if she doesn't she may well end up doing something they will both regret. They are here for a reason, she reminds herself as she nibbles the final few bits of flesh off the half-core in her hands, and once they have what they came for she will never have to see Robin again if she doesn't want to.

Still, despite every rational thought she uses to remind herself that Robin is chivalrous, that he doesn't remember her, that he's in love with his wife, can't quite overcome the small, hopeful voice that reminds her _the kiss didn't work - _even after she had forced him to forget all about her.

"We should move on," She says, tossing her apple core far into the woods and pushing away from the tree that has been supporting her obligingly throughout her pathetic personal crisis. "The less time we spend in this place, the happier I'll be."

"Are you not fond of the forest, Milady?"

"It's the past, more than the trees that I'm not a fan of." She says archly. _And the company_, she adds to herself. It's been less than a day, and already spending this kind of one on one time with Robin is wearing every bit of her self-restraint down to threads.


	6. Chapter 6: Friends?

Chapter 6: Friends?

"Why are you helping me... us?"

They've been travelling for a day and a half and it has taken the entire time for Robin to summon the courage to ask. For reasons he can't quite put a finger on, though if he had to guess he would say it was because of lack of sleep, she seems more approachable today.

They're both exhausted. Regina tried to convince him to sleep for "at least an hour or two, you must be exhausted" the night before, but when he told her he was too worried about his wife to waste time on sleep, she admitted that she too was too tense to find sleep very restful, and so they had pushed on full speed ahead, taking advantage of the night to travel several miles along the road and to sneak past a large village that lay in their path. About half an hour ago they both finally admitted exhaustion and settled onto a mossy patch of ground far enough off the main road they could only just make out the sound of a horse's hooves.

Regina sat facing him, regarding him thoughtfully. "I suppose because I feel responsible."

The thought is absurd and Robin swallows a sudden bark of laughter. "You have magic, Regina, you're not the Almighty. I know you tried what you could for Marian. None of this is your fault."

"You called me Regina."

Robin can't read the expression on her face, but he thinks she's pleased on the whole. "I did, I'm sorry." He can't remember when he made the transition in his mind from Evil Queen to Queen to Regina, but he has. She doesn't seem like the Evil Queen here. The stories he heard of the Evil Queen were of a woman with no compassion, no selflessness, and certainly no soft spot for soon to be widowers and their sons. Yet, this woman has done nothing but try to help his little family, even before they met. Forcing himself through the portal with her suddenly feels like the best and worst thing he had ever done. He did it because he didn't trust that a woman he had heard so many horrible stories about could ever truly want to help. He's ashamed of that now, but he's glad he is here. She shouldn't have to do this alone. Even if she said she wanted to.

Regina smiles. "Don't be sorry. I was just… surprised."

"You could call me Robin," He suggests with a bit of a cheeky grin. "Who knows, maybe we could even be friends when all this is over."

"I wouldn't push it if I were you." She looks down at her hands, twisting in her lap, and doesn't look back up. Her cheeks looks flushed and Robin wonders what it is he's missed.

"Your husband would not approve?"

She laughs and for a fleeting second her eyes meet his before skittering off to look at something in the distance. "I don't have a husband."

"Your boy's father…?"

"Henry's father is Rumpelstiltskin's son, but I am not Henry's birth mother."

Robin's brow creases in confusion.

"Henry is adopted." She clarifies before he can voice his confusion. "Emma Swan is his birth mother, but I adopted him as a baby. I raised him." There's a touch of bitterness in her tone that Robin can't quite understand, until he remembers who Emma Swan is.

"The blonde, the sheriff, she's Henry's birth mother?"

Regina nods.

"It must be difficult for you, having her in Storybrooke."

"You have no idea." A self-deprecating smile on her face, she pushes up from the ground and dusts herself off. "I'm starving. Think you can catch us something to eat or do I have to do all the work around here?"

.

She can't talk about Henry with him. Not like this. He was the only one who knew. The only one who really saw her in the Enchanted Forest during that horrible year when she thought she would never see her son again. Robin was the only one. And now, thanks to her, he doesn't remember any of it. He doesn't even seem to remember they _met_ in those days before the second curse. Rumpelstiltskin was thorough, she had to give him that. She can't think about Robin or Henry anymore. It hurts too much. Instead, she focuses on gathering some edible greens to go with whatever Robin can bring back, and lighting a fire.

She's regretting her decision not to sleep first and eat after. It's been easily 36 hours since she last slept and she's got that slightly drunk feeling she gets when she's too tired to function properly. The world around her is muted and her reactions are slow.

Too slow.

A pair of hands grab her from behind, one slapping over her mouth, the other holding a knife to her throat. A second pair of hands seize her wrists and bind them tightly together with a long coil of rope.

"Fancy meeting your majesty here in our humble wood." A nasal voice hisses in her ear.

His breath smells like cabbage and rotting meat. Regina gags.

"We were hoping for a deer, or maybe a brace of rabbits, but you will fetch a much higher value, I think."

Fear sharpens Regina's senses for a moment. They can't take her back to their village. She and Robin cannot change the past. And she really, _really_ cannot come face to face with her past self or let a bunch of villagers kill her. So she does what she has always done when threatened: she turns to magic.

Without her hands she doesn't have much control. But it doesn't take control to turn the small cooking fire she started into an eight foot flame that twists and licks towards her captors. One screams, but the one holding her just presses the knife harder to her throat. "You don't stop that, we're going to auction off your corpse instead. It might even fetch a higher value than your life."

Making the snap decision that no one is stupid enough to kill a Queen – even the Evil Queen – outright, Regina coaxes the flame closer. She can feel its warmth radiating over her whole body, sending rivulets of sweat trickling over her skin.

A tongue of flame licks at the man holding her, burning the back of his hand. It burns her too, but Regina doesn't care. As she hoped he would, the man releases her for a moment, cursing to himself. Regina lets out a single, loud scream before a fist collides with her temple and all is darkness.

.

A sharp, panicked scream pierces the silence of the forest. Robin recognizes it, though he couldn't have said how, and before he can even process the thought, _Regina!_ he's sprinting back to where he left her.

There's a fire flickering brightly against the gathering dusk, contained now, but Robin's sharp eyes see shrivelled needles on the nearby trees that paint a clear picture in his mind of how the struggle must have gone. He can see boot imprints from at least two men, one looking noticeably heavier on his exit. Robin's heart constricts. Regina most definitely did not leave of her own free will, it doesn't even appear she left on her own two feet.

Robin scans their little camp quickly, finding what he's looking for easily. The satchel with the precious story book – the one that is supposed to tell them if they've done anything catastrophically wrong yet – and the magic wand hidden safely inside is still there. He picks it up and turns a measured circle, evaluating the forest around them, looking for a hiding place only he will be able to find again. There's no time to waste, but this is too important a task to hurry. He finally decides on a large cedar growing out of a nurse log. It's innocuous enough that no one will look at it and assume it's hiding something precious, but it is distinctive enough he will be able to find it again. The rotting wood of the nurse log crumbles away under his hands as he hollows out a small dip just under a bunch of fern and stashes the bag there. He steps back and looks at his work, nods in satisfaction, and then without looking back, shoulders his bow and follows the tracks Regina's abductors left.

If she's still alive, and he chooses to believe she is, she has to be, he will find her.

The tracks lead to a small village. A small, familiar village. Robin stops dead and stares at it for a long moment. He takes a deep breath and thanks his lucky stars that the Robin who is supposed to be in this time is currently on the other side of Sherwood tending to his wife and causing no one any trouble, because this Robin, the one who isn't supposed to be here let alone do things, is about to cause a lot of trouble if they don't give Regina back to him.

The stares start as soon as he is within sight. Whispers follow soon after. Robin keeps his head up and walks with purpose, as if he's supposed to be here, as if Guy of Gisbourne hadn't promised he would be shot on sight if he ever entered the village, or any village within Gisbourne's control, ever again. Of course, that hadn't actually stopped him from giving gifts to the people of the former Locksley villages whenever he could. They had been, after all, his people first.

He makes it to the middle of the village and then stops. Turning slowly he surveys the small crowd that has gathered. "Where is she?" He asks in his most dangerous tone.

"Robin? Is that really you?"

The voice comes from behind him, and before Robin can turn and draw his bow, long, gangly arms are wrapped around him in a tight hug. "Gisbourne told us you were dead!"

Robin looks down into a familiar pair of hazel eyes set in a face that seems to have aged a century since he was a boy. "Nurse?"

She chortles. "No one's called me 'nurse' since the war ended." She lets him go, but doesn't move more than a foot away. Her eyes are misty with tears and for a moment Robin forgets that he's here on a rescue mission. He can't believe the nurse who helped raise him as a lad is here, alive and well, though skinnier than she ought to be.

"Not that I'm not tickled to bits to see you, lad, but you shouldn't be here." She looks suddenly worried and Robin is reminded that this is not his land, these are no longer his people. They pose no danger to him, but if he's caught here by Gisbourne's men and it's realized that the villagers didn't report him, they will all suffer.

"I need to find a woman—"

Nurse cackles. "Well you may not have come to the right place, we've not got an abundance of local beauties round here. Although, a little birdie told me you had finally convinced Maid Marian to ru-"

Robin shakes his head and interrupts the torrent of gossip before it can really gain momentum. "A woman I am travelling with was kidnapped, I followed the tracks here. I need to find her."

Like a cloud covering the sun, nurse's eyes go cold. "Your travelling companion was she?"

"Aye."

Her mouth purses in disapproval. "Tis true then, what he says, you really have turned your back on all that is good."

Instantly, Robin realizes what she's implying, and feels like an idiot for not cottoning on sooner. Regina wasn't grabbed because they thought she was a woman travelling alone or because they tried to rob her and ended up with more than they bargained for. She was taken because they think she is the Evil Queen. None of this realization shows on his face, however. He's learned a few things being on the run much of his adult life, a poker face when under duress is one of them. He furrows his brow and puts on his best confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"You're travelling with the Evil Queen. Working for is more like. What did she promise you? Gold? Land?"

"Miss Mills?" He widens his eyes in apparent shock. "My companion, Miss Mills, you think _she_ is the Evil Queen?"

The old woman's confidence visibly falters. "She has the look of the queen."

"Ah, you've seen the Queen, have you?" Robin's voice is cold.

She shakes her head a little.

Robin raises his voice so he is addressing the whole village. "The woman you have kidnapped is a companion of Robin Hood. She is no Queen."

"She has magic!" Someone shouts from the crowd.

Robin turns to face the voice and catches sight of Regina for the first time. She is standing perfectly still, bound by the wrist and held tightly between two burly men.

Robin closes the distance between them in a few long strides. He looks her up and down and then laughs. "You fools really thought _this_ was the Queen? Look at her!"

He can hear grumbling in the crowd and senses movement. He doesn't know if this means he is about to join Regina in whatever punishment they have devised, but he doesn't have any other options, so be presses on.

"Would the Evil Queen be wearing these rags? Or skulking through the woods with me?"

He can practically feel Regina glaring at him, but he's also noticed the grips of her captors have loosened. "The Queen is a legendary beauty. The only woman in the entire Enchanted Forest said to be more beautiful is Snow White. This maid is," He smirks, "passable. But hardly the fairest of them all."

A few men laugh at this and Robin knows he's won.

"Release her to me, before the real Evil Queen learns you mistook a common maid for her based on a few paltry magic tricks and takes offense." He turns and looks around at each of the villagers, "I promise, you will gain more by staying in my favour than trying to ransom a false queen."

The men holding Regina shove her towards him. "Be gone! Both of you."

Robin doesn't need to be told twice. He uses the tip of an arrow to slice her ropes free and then takes her by the arm and half carries, half pushes her from the village.

As soon as they are out of sight of the village, Robin stops. He takes Regina by both shoulders, his blue eyes scanning her body for injury. "Are you alright? I heard your scream in the forest, but I was too far away. Did they… are you alright?"

Regina shrugs him off and steps back, eyes narrowed in a furious glare. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"A simple, 'thank you,' would suffice."

"Thank you?" Her voice is high and sharp with anger. "You could have gotten yourself killed."

"Whereas you were just having a nice tea with your old friends in the village to catch up."

"I had it under control."

"Clearly."

"You didn't have to come." She snarls. "In fact, I seem to remember telling you I was _fine _doing this on my own."

"Yes, you seemed fine back there. Cornered by villagers is a good look for you." He snarks back sarcastically. "What _was _I thinking offering to help?" He can't tell her about the omnipresent gnawing in his gut that set up residence that day in the diner when Gold showed up to help him, and then failed; she would only laugh derisively. He feels like a chunk of his soul is missing. It aches. It makes his judgement poor and his temper short and he can't imagine sitting back in Storybrooke for even a second waiting to see if she can achieve the impossible to bring back his wife. Doing, moving, ceaselessly is the only thing that is keeping him sane. Protecting the queen, saving his wife, those are his reasons for putting one foot in front of another and pressing onwards. He could no more have left her to fend for herself than he can stop his heart from beating, racing really at this point he realizes with a start.

"Come on, we should keep moving." He says at the same time she says _I'm sorry _in a voice almost too soft to hear. Robin's hand reaches out of its own volition and smoothes her hair away from her face. "You're not doing this alone, Regina. It's okay to accept help."

"Thank you Robin for saving me from the evil villagers."

She's clearly mocking him, but Robin grins broadly. "You are welcome, Milady. Now, shall we go find that lake before anything else exciting happens?"

"Please, lead the way."

They fall into step side by side and walk on in companionable silence. Once and a while when the terrain gets rough, Robin reaches out a hand to steady her, but they don't speak. There's no need.


	7. Chapter 7: Lake Nostros

Chapter 7: Lake Nostros

Lake Nostros looks smaller than Regina expected. She's only seen it dry and somehow filled with water it looks about a third the size. But she can practically taste the magic in the air, this is definitely the right place.

She stops well back from its shores and stares out at the deceptively smooth surface, reflecting the sky like a mirror, for a long time. Her plan has never been particularly well formed. She knew from the outset she couldn't kill the siren. If she does there is a good chance that when David comes to get the water to save his fiancé's love it will be drained already, and who knows what ripple effects that change could cause. But apart from deciding she needed to subdue the Siren without killing it, she hadn't really bothered to plan. Robin forcing his way through the portal had changed everything. If she was alone she thinks she could maybe convince the Siren to leave her alone, women are, after all, not the Siren's usual target of choice. Not only are there now two lives to be protected from the Siren, but she can almost guarantee that Robin will draw the Siren's full attention the minute he contacts the water.

The water that will restore him to what he was before.

The thought stops her planning dead in its tracks and for a moment Regina cannot think beyond cursing her own idiocy (again). If Robin touches the water, he will remember everything, and they will be back to where they were a month ago, before Marian was struck with the curse. Both remembering the time they shared, longing for it, and unable to have it because Robin is an honorable man, and Regina won't let him be anything else.

So now she needs two plans. She needs to subdue a Siren who has killed hundreds of would-be thieves for trying to take the water of her lake, and, on top of that seemingly impossible task, she needs to keep Robin away from the water. For half a second, Regina wonders what it would be like to just fling herself into the water and let the Siren take her. Perhaps she could put up just enough of a struggle that Robin could fetch a flask full of water and escape. Of course that would mean he would remember, but maybe the water would take a few minutes and then it would be too late for him to help her and he would just give up. She almost laughs at the absurdity. Of course that would never work, even if her own instinct for self-preservation was less developed, Robin would never give up so easily. All her sacrifice would do is make Roland essentially an orphan unless the rest of the people in Storybrooke could defeat the snow queen, and separate her from Henry forever.

Suicide, not an option then. She needs a plan B.

"Milady?" Robin's voice interrupts her thoughts.

She looks over at him thoughtfully. "Do you trust me?"

His brow wrinkles slightly but he nods almost immediately.

"Good." She reaches out a hand for the satchel he carries and he immediately hands it over. She pulls out the book first, a quick flip through the pages reassures her that, so far, they haven't derailed the story and she slips it back into the bag. The next item she removes is Rumpelstiltskin's wand.

Robin watches her silently, his gaze intent. He's leaning into her just a little, like he isn't even aware of it, but like he can't quite make himself leave her personal space. She should mind, but it's so much like the Robin she knew when Marian was 'dead' that she can't bring herself to want him to back away. She knows that once they return to Storybrooke even this superficial closeness will end and she selfishly soaks up every second of it while she still can.

She holds the wand, which glows slightly with power, out to Robin. "You used this once before, right?"

He looks at the wand, but does not reach to take it. "Yes. That's Rumpelstiltskin's wand, I used it to save Marian." He holds her gaze for several seconds and then seems to realize what is happening. His mouth compresses into a line. "Why?"

"You may need to use it again."

He begins shaking his head before she has even finished her sentence. "I don't need this. You'll use it. Once we have the water, you will cast the spell and return us to Storybrooke."

Regina smiles a little. This is a Robin she knows well, optimistic, so full of faith in her that it shines from his eyes and blinds him to the bleak reality that there are many things she _can't_ actually do. "If everything goes according to plan, yes. But…"

"If it doesn't you expect me to abandon you and return to Storybrooke alone." His tone is flat and she instinctively knows he's preparing for a fight.

"Your son needs you."

"And Henry doesn't need you?"

Regina lets out a frustrated huff. "Of course I want to go home to Henry, but no, he doesn't need me that way Roland needs you. Henry has his birth mother and a whole posse including grandparents, an infant uncle, and a one handed pirate looking out for him. If something happens to me, he will be sad, but he will never want for family."

"So you've just decided that I'm to stand here and let you sacrifice yourself because you're worried Roland will end up living in the woods with the Merry Men and no parents?"

She can't tell if he's incredulous or barely concealing his fury. Her own temper is reaching a boiling point. How _dare_ he accuse her of not wanting to make it home to Henry? "No, I decided I was going to do this entire thing alone days ago because your son needs you. It is you who decided you needed to stand on the sidelines to make sure I didn't screw it up."

"I came to help you." He is so far into her space now that she has to tilt her chin up to glare at him properly.

"I didn't ask for your help."

"You never ask for anyone's help." He snaps, though he can't possibly know that – even if she has to admit it's a pretty fair assessment of her basic personality. Except… but he has no memory of that.

"In my experience, asking for something you neither need nor want is a massive waste of everyone's time and energy."

Suddenly Robin's face shifts. He no longer looks like he is barely keeping himself from striking her. He looks tired and… sad? It leaves Regina feeling wrong footed and when he says, in a voice that's soft and thick with an emotion she can't quite name "You have to let someone in at some point, Regina Mills" she feels tears prickling at the back of her eyes.

_If only you knew_, she thinks for a moment before mentally shaking herself. She doesn't want him to know. That was the whole point of having Gold give him the potion. But still, in that moment she wishes she could tell him why she can't let anyone in. That she did, she let him in, all the way in, and then fate did what fate has always done: Fate turned what should have been her happy ending into yet another long, drawn out torment. Letting someone in is a recipe for disaster. Letting someone in _hurts_.

Of course, the sudden flood of feelings and the desire to wrap her arms around Robin and let him soothe away all her hurts and worries only serves to make Regina angry. Though now the anger is directed inward instead of at Robin's saviour complex. How can she still be this weak? After everything she has done, everything she has been through, how can she still break every time he shows her the slightest hint of the man she loves? She clenches her jaw and says in her iciest voice, "Be that as it may, today is not one of those days."

Robin sighs, but this time when she holds out the wand he takes it.

"Thank you." She draws out the final item from the satchel, a charmed bottle she's protected against breaking (there would be no point coming all this way only to have a flimsy piece of glass make it all moot). She turns it over in her hands, considering her words before she speaks. She still doesn't have a whole plan, but she's not letting Robin know that. "You said you trusted me."

Robin closes his eyes for a moment, drawing in a deep breath through his nose. When he opens his eyes again he nods once. "I do."

She raises an eyebrow, but chooses not to point out the fact that his outburst earlier contradicts him. "If this is going to work, I need you to stay here."

The muscles around his mouth tighten in what she knows is anger, but he doesn't speak.

"The monster guarding this water is a Siren," She says by way of explanation. When the tension doesn't fade from his expression, she continues. "Sirens have a type. Let's just say, a handsome, muscular man like you is exactly the kind of tasty morsel a Siren craves."

"You think me handsome?"

Regina rolls her eyes at the pleased look on his face. "I was speaking from the perspective of a Siren. You're young... ish," he makes a face which she ignores, "healthy, and muscular without an excess of hair to get in the way of being devoured whole."

Robin's face is a wide, dimply grin, and he's leaning into her space again. Regina can't help smiling back up at him. "You think me handsome." He says with an annoying level of certainty.

"Fine. You're handsome. Happy?"

He laughs. "You don't have to look so pained by it."

"Just keep your handsome self exactly in this spot until I return with the water," she says, setting the satchel down and taking a step back towards the lake.

The smile disappears and he sighs. "As long as you're safe, I will stay here. But—"

"No!" Frustration wells in her breast and she can feel magic crackling at her fingertips. It would be so simple just to turn him to stone, freeze him where he stands until she's ready for them to return to the enchanted forest, but she's used more magic on him than he would forgive already, she doesn't want to use more unless she has to. "If something happens to me, you need to go back. Henry needs to know what happened to his mother, and Roland needs a father." She takes two steps back towards him, stopping mere inches away, so close she can feel the heat radiating off him. She raises one hand to his cheek and forces him to look directly at her. "Promise me you will stay put."

If the intimacy of her hand on his cheek surprises him, Robin doesn't show it. His eyes drill into hers so intently she has trouble breathing for a moment. "You're asking me to let a monster kill you, without even trying to help." His voice is almost a whisper.

"No," a corner of her mouth lips in a fond smile, "I'm asking you for _help_. It's a rarity, I can understand your confusion."

The expression on Robin's face softens a little, but he still looks like he's preparing to argue. Regina wishes she knew what words would make him realize that this is the only way. "I'm not sure I like your definition of help." He concedes.

"Well since I suspect your idea of help would be to kill the Siren with one of your arrows, you're going to have to stick with mine." She withdraws her hand from his face, but neither of them steps back. "We can't kill her, not under any circumstances."

"I know." Robin sighs. "Just…" He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, a tender, familiar gesture that makes Regina's chest constrict painfully, "Be careful. I don't want to have to tell your lad I let you die out here."

"I promise. I'm not leaving Henry without putting up a damn good fight." She steps back, breaking contact and draws a deep breath. She forces a confident smile before turning away and facing the still waters of the lake.

The water shimmers invitingly as Regina steps closer, the empty vial held tightly in one hand. The surface of the lake is impossibly smooth. It's a spell she realizes, feeling a little foolish for not realizing it earlier. The whole area is steeped in magic, making it difficult to sense one spell over another. Regina hopes the siren will have similar difficulties. She knows without really knowing why or how that if the Siren senses her magic, the beast will not bother one moment with the usual seductress routine before ripping Regina to shreds. She stops at the very edge, almost but not quite touching the water with her toes, and draws a deep breath. She almost looks back at Robin, but stops herself. She knows he barely agreed to do this her way, if she shows him the fear she's sure is radiating from her eyes he will be by her side in a flash.

Moving quickly Regina crouches down and dips the vial into the water. It seems to fill impossibly slowly. She submerges it completely and watches the bubbles escape and ooze towards the surface as if the lake were of molasses instead of water, the magic radiating from the lake resisting every attempt to steal its contents.

"Leave that a moment," an achingly familiar voice says from too close to her ear.

Regina's heart races. She looks up and her breath catches in her throat. "Daniel?" He's there, almost close enough to touch. If she just… the vial falls unheeded from limp fingers as Regina takes a step into the lake.

He smiles at her, beckoning with his eyes. His arms are relaxed at his sides. His brown hair sticking up in three directions as it always did. He looked exactly as he had that night in the barn. _The night mother ripped his heart out and crushed it in front of me_.

The illusion flickers for a moment, Daniels teeth sharpening, his warm eyes taking on an amber hue. But then he laughs and reaches out a hand and Regina can't help but close the distance and take it. Guilt and relief are all mixed up within her and when he lowers his head towards her she finds herself tilting her mouth up to accept his kiss.

He is impossibly warm for someone standing waist deep in the frigid water, but it's not just his improbably body temperature that feels off. She doesn't want this. She knows what kissing is supposed to feel like. It should consume her, make the rest of the world go away. She shouldn't be wondering why he is so warm, or be aware that she is shivering. Regina turns her head away and pushes against his chest. "I don't want this." She says softly.

"I love you, Regina." He whispers against the side of her face. His hand comes up to guide her lips back to his but she refuses to look back at him.

Regina shakes her head. "I'm sorry Daniel." She turns just enough to meet his eyes. Guilt stabs at her. He sacrificed everything for her, and never demanded anything in return. But she doesn't want him anymore. "I loved you once, long ago. But I don't love you anymore."

Daniel laughs but it isn't Daniel's laugh. His laugh was warm and deep, like the lowest church bells, and it always made her feel warm and safe. This laugh is high and sends shivers down her spine.

Before her eyes the illusion fades away, white teeth sharpening into needles, too-warm skin becoming clammy under her fingers, brown hair lengthening, falling wet over her hands where they still grip the siren's shoulders.

Regina feels like she is coming out of a dream and it is too long before she is able to react. By the time her brain engages with the sudden return to reality the siren has dragged her beneath the surface. Thankfully, she was too shocked by the sudden jolt of reality to remember to breathe, but it's a small mercy. Regina pushes against the siren, but the beast's grip is too strong to be thrown off with physical power.

Everything is happening at high speed, but to Regina it feels like slow motion. The siren digs her sharp teeth into the curve of Regina's shoulder and a wave of magic unleashes itself from her fingers, sending the creature flying back through the water. She claws to the surface and sucks in a deep breath of air before throwing another curse at the rapidly approaching siren. The beast freezes, its body encased in stone, but almost as soon as the curse hits, Regina can see it is fading. The waters of Nostros are too powerful. Gathering the last of her reserves, Regina uses magic to transport herself back to where she dropped the vial. She grabs it in trembling fingers and staggers back from the water's edge.

She stops moving only when her injured shoulder collides with a tree trunk. The pain cuts the panic in her head and she is able to seal and protect the bottle before sliding it into her pocket. She looks over to where she left Robin. He's not there.

He's standing several feet away, both feet safely on land, but his trousers are soaked to the knees and he's looking at her like… she can't name the expression, but it's making it hard to breathe.

His voice is barely a whisper. "What did you do?"


	8. Chapter 8: What Once Was Mine

Chapter 8: What Once Was Mine

Robin watches as Regina walks slowly into the lake, every instinct is screaming at him to follow her, to try and break whatever enchantment the beast has placed on her, but he promised he would stay put. Being a man of his word has never been so difficult. When her head disappears beneath the surface he can't just stand there anymore. He has one foot in the water when she surfaces and he takes another step towards her before she's disappeared in a cloud of colored smoke and reappeared at the edge of the lake.

For a moment he can't move. He feels like he's been run over by a cart. His head is spinning as a wave of memories fights for attention. A wave of memories entirely composed of moments with Regina. His self-preservation instinct forces his unwilling feet to find the shore line, but he is barely aware he's moving. He can't tear his eyes away from Regina.

"What did you do?" The words fall from his lips so choked and quiet he doesn't know if she hears them.

Her eyes flick to his for the briefest moment, too brief for Robin to know what she is thinking or feeling, but he's sure she can read his face like a book. He's too stunned to even try and hide the confusion, gratitude, and anger he's sure cover his face. He knows why she did it, and perhaps even how (that potion Gold gave him could easily have been something to erase his memories), but he can't quite believe she didn't tell him. If the potion was going to erase her, it would have erased that too. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She is deliberately not looking at him now. He can see it in the defensive curve of her shoulders and the way her eyes are flitting around the room, focusing on anything but the spot he is standing on the shore. She's bleeding. There's a slowly growing dark stain on her left shoulder but she doesn't seem to notice.

Robin takes a half step towards her and she flinches. An arrow through his heart could not have hurt more. He can't even imagine what she's been through. What he has put her through. Because even though he is furious she took away his memories of her without so much as telling him she was going to, he knows he would have let her try anything to save Marian and that his refusal to accept the reality that his marriage to Marian has been over since she disappeared in the Enchanted Forest all those years ago and he believed her to be dead is to blame more than anything. He is an idiot. Worse than that, he has been cruel. He never thought of himself as cruel before, but he can see it now: all the times he told Regina she was in his heart only to walk away from her to follow his duty he thought he was doing what was right, but he was torturing her and betraying Marian.

Regina turns from him and walks over to where he dropped the satchel. She picks it up and pulls out the storybook first, flipping quickly through its pages, he assumes to ensure they haven't made any changes. Still deliberately not looking at him, she returns the book to the satchel, removes the wand and slings the bag over her injured shoulder. She winces in pain and it's too much for Robin.

Without pausing to think about what he's doing or why he closes the distance between them. He removes the satchel from her shoulder and drops it to the ground before cradling her face between his hands. For a breathless moment their eyes meet. Regina's dark eyes are wide with shock, but not unwelcoming. They flit away from his, dropping to look at his lips before flicking back up to his. It's all the permission he needs.

It feels like a lifetime since he last kissed her. Regina's lips are soft under his. His hands wind into her hair as he rains soft, close mouthed kisses over her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, before returning to her lips. Her mouth parts under his and his tongue slides over hers in a familiar dance.

His hands skate over her shoulders and her breath hitches in pain. Robin breaks away, his eyes immediately going to the bloody mess of her shoulder. "May I?" He asks softly.

Regina nods and he gently pulls the fabric away so he can see the injury. The siren's teeth have left a wicked crescent of punctures in the creamy skin of Regina's shoulder. Blood oozes slowly from the deepest holes. Robin fumbles in his pocket for the handkerchief he knows is there and presses it to the broken skin. "Can you..?"

Regina shakes her head. "I will be able to, but I don't want to waste my magic before I get us back to Storybrooke."

Robin's eyes turn briefly to the lake.

"I'll be fine." Regina says in familiar dry tones. "It's barely bleeding and I'm sure Whale will be more than happy to pump me full of antibiotics when we get back."

He drops his head and presses a gentle kiss just above the injury. She sucks in a breath through her teeth but this time it isn't a hiss of pain.

"Robin, I'm sorr-"

"No." He doesn't let her finish the word. He brings his free hand to trace the contours of her face. "You did what I couldn't. What I wouldn't. You're..." He doesn't have the words so he murmurs the only one that matters in a voice rough with so many emotions he can't hope to name them, Regina, and presses his lips to hers again.

He is careful not to jostle her as he gathers her against his chest, pulling her as close as he can without hurting her shoulder more. Her fingers twine in his hair and he thinks he could stay here forever. But it's not to be.

Regina pulls away, although he can tell by the way her eyes can't seem to stay away from his lips that she doesn't want to. "We should get back."

"Marian." He says and he feels a kick of guilt again. He knows it shows in his face because Regina goes stiff and takes a definite step back. He wishes he could take it back. But he can't, and what's worse is he knows that this stolen moment cannot happen again. He doesn't love Marian anymore, not in the way he once did, not in the way he loves Regina, but he is still a man of honor and he cannot just abandon his vows.

He doesn't stop her from casting the portal and soon they are back in Storybrooke.

It's jarring to be back in this world. Noises he had grown used to after months of living in the woods outside of Storybrooke assault Robin's ears as soon as his feet are on solid ground again, the distant noise of a car's horn, the rumble of engines. The air feels different too, somehow thinner, he wonders idly if it's the lack of magic he's feeling. The air around the pond was so thick with power that even he could sense it. Then again, it might be the oppressive weight of reality alone responsible for the slight breathlessness in his chest. He looks down at Regina, the trip through the portal has knocked his handkerchief loose and he can see the wound is bleeding again. His hand rises to put pressure back on it, and then falls to his side when he realizes they have an audience.

"You got it?" Snow White asks before she is close enough to see the blood seeping from Regina's shoulder. Her smile quickly morphs into concern and she does what Robin dare not, reaching out to examine the wound.

"The siren bit me." Regina says, batting Snow's hand away dismissively. "I'll be fine."

Robin is paralyzed with indecision. His instincts are screaming at him to wrap and arm around Regina and guide her away from the crowd, but he can't. Or rather, an equally loud voice in his head is screaming that he shouldn't because Marian is his wife and even if that doesn't feel like anything, it means something and he owes it to her and to Regina to get that sorted out.

"You got the water, though?" Emma's voice cuts through Robin's muddled brain.

"Yes." Regina turns to Robin and smiles, although her eyes are glued on something past his right ear and the smile does little more than bare her teeth. "Shall we go wake Marian?"

Deep down Robin knows they are doing the right thing. He just isn't used to that hurting this much.

As Regina predicted, Dr. Whale immediately insists on looking over and cleaning the wound on her shoulder. He doesn't immediately pump her full of antibiotics but the lecture he gives on infection makes it clear he will strap her to a bed and fill her with every drug they have if she doesn't take care of herself. It's bizarrely touching that he cares whether or not her arm rots off and so Regina doesn't bite his head off – even if she wants nothing more than to be released so she can put Marian's heart back where it belongs and crawl off home to lick her many wounds (the deepest so far below the surface she thinks no one can see them).

Robin, Emma, and Snow are waiting for her outside Marian's room. She tries not to look at Robin, but her eyes betray her will and for a moment their gazes catch. He looks like he's being torn in two. She knows the feeling well. His body leans just slightly forward as if he's about to take a step and she drops her gaze, shaking her head subtly. This is one of the hardest things she has ever done. She can't do it if he touches her while he's looking at her like that.

Emma clears her throat awkwardly and holds out two familiar wooden boxes. Regina takes the one she knows contains Marian's heart in hands that are surprisingly steady. Her eyes meet Emma's and the blonde tightens her grip on Regina's own heart. Her eyes telling Regina she will hold it safe without needing words, for which Regina is grateful; she would rather not call attention to the fact she is resisting putting her own heart back where it belongs.

They really could have done this without her, Regina thinks with a small surge of anger. Emma hasn't ever pulled out someone's heart, but she has magic and putting it back isn't exactly hard. Regina just wants to go home, to be as far away from that look in Robin's eyes as possible. Why did he have to step in the lake? This would all be so much easier if it were only her pain to consider. Still, she made a vow to herself that she wouldn't let Robin be dragged into her darkness, she isn't going to back out now just because the road got tougher.

She insists on staying in the hallway while Robin goes in to trickle the water of Lake Nostros over his frozen wife. She can't bear the idea of seeing the flash of joy on either face. Seeing Robin's joy will sting like rejection, and Marian's joy will only remind Regina that Robin was never hers to begin with and make her feel even more wretched and selfish than she already does. Emma volunteers to go with Robin, probably more to avoid being stuck in a hall alone with Regina than any thought that Robin would need help.

Snow leans against the wall beside Regina after the hospital room door shuts with a dull click. "If anyone ever doubts you have changed, just tell them about today." She says in a warm voice. "You are a true hero."

Regina laughs mirthlessly. "If I had known this is what heroics felt like, I wouldn't have bothered cursing you."

Snow's hand closes around Regina's and though she's tempted to jerk it away, she doesn't. It's comforting, the tiny amount of human contact.

"Your happiness will come, Regina. Just keep believing that."

A tear slips past Regina's defenses and trickles down her cheek. She tears her hand away from Snow and swipes it away. Sucking in a sharp breath through her nose she tries to channel the woman she was before Robin shot his way into her heart. She used to be happy, didn't she? On reflection she thinks she wasn't actually happy, but she had found contentment in being a mother and in her town. Now she doesn't have Henry to lean on – at least not the way she had before Emma's return – and she doesn't have the town. Her life is almost entirely empty. No wonder she feels like she's falling down a dark hole she will never be able to crawl out of.

Emma's blonde head appears in the doorway. "It worked!" She says in a voice that's insultingly surprised.

Regina rolls her lips together; sucks in a deep, steadying breath; and pushes past the sheriff into the room. Marian is half sitting up, a smile spread over her features, her dark eyes glued to Robin.

It isn't until Robin turns to look at Regina that the woman in the bed notices she's there. Robin's eyes are too much for Regina. She can't help meeting them, but they could have been a double barreled shot gun for pain they send ripping through her chest. She swallows and forces her gaze to Marian and a smile on to her face.

"I believe I have something of yours you would like back." As soon as the words leave her lips she wishes them unsaid. The double meaning no less pointed for being unintended.

It's the work of a few seconds. After a reassuring nod from her husband, Marian allows Regina to press the heart back into her chest. Regina can sense the moment its magic is restored to its rightful home and she steps back without looking at anyone.

It's over. She can feel relieved, hurt, angry, sad tears gathering behind her eyes and she can't stand to be there a minute longer. She whispers a goodbye and ducks out of the room, walking quickly down the hall, her head high, her eyes fixed unseeingly on something in far in front of her. She only just managed to make it home.

She did it: stayed the course. Marian is back to herself. Robin is back with his family. Regina is alone, again. Everything is as it was always supposed to be. Which doesn't stop the tears from falling as soon as she closes the front door.

Regina sinks to the entryway floor, lacking the energy to even make it to the couch, and lets herself cry. She shouldn't be this upset. She knew, she knew this was what was going to happen. It was what she wanted, wasn't it? But there was that moment in the forest, when Robin remembered her and drilled her with a look that took her breath away and made her knees weak and, for a moment, she forgot all about Marian and all the good, rational reasons why she and Robin would never be together. She could have lived forever in that moment. Or in the moments that followed on its heels. Robin's lips on hers, his hands clinging to her as if it had been years rather than minutes since they had last touched. Her name on his lips, in his husky voice, full of all the meaning he couldn't say, repeated over and over, against her skin, in her ear, like a prayer or a mantra, like if he said it enough everything else would disappear and they could just be in that moment forever.

But the moment ended.

To be honest, Regina knows she ended it. It was the right thing to do. Robin wasn't, isn't, free to be with her. Those stolen kisses were as wrong as every other moment they have stolen together since Marian reappeared. Regina doesn't want to be this: the other woman. She pushed him away and turned her eyes from his and before he could say or do anything, opened the portal back to Storybrooke, to reality, to Robin's life away from her.

She sniffs loudly. Her tears have run dry and she feels empty. Not just drained, but completely barren, as if there is a gaping hole in her chest that nothing will be able to fill. She looks at the box she's clutched in her hands this entire time. Her heart. Part of her wants to take it down to her vault and store it with the rest of the things she will never use again, dark magic and curses she's afraid to touch lest they take over her entire life. But she is stronger than that. Robin helped her see how strong she really is in the Enchanted Forest over a year ago. She isn't going to let him, or Henry, or herself, down now.

With fingers that tremble, Regina lifts her heart from the box and, before she can think better of it, slams it back into her chest.

She expected the pain to be worse. It isn't.

Yes, she still feels like her entire chest is a black hole, sucking in energy and happiness and leaving her empty and miserable. But she no longer feels like this will last forever. Somehow, somewhere very deep inside, she has hope.

If you stay the course, your happiness will come.


	9. Chapter 9: Let Go

Chapter 9: Let Go

Robin doesn't watch Regina leave. He doesn't need to. He can feel it. It's the same ache that haunted him back in Sherwood, the ache he tried and failed to convince himself was in response to Marian's frozen state. It simplifies things. He used to think that to be an honorable man he needed to stay with Marian, the same way he thought that he was an honorable man because he was keeping his vows in word, if not in his heart. But the ache he feels as Regina walks away changes everything. It shifts his perspective. He sees everything differently now than he did in the weeks since Marian returned. He hasn't been staying faithful, he has been lying to her. It has to stop.

Emma and Snow make excuses that fall on deaf ears, leaving Robin and Marian alone. She smiles up at him and reaches for his hand.

Robin perches on the side of the bed, holding her slim hands in his. He stares at that hand for a long moment. It's almost as familiar to him as his own. He thinks if he had any artistic skill he could replicate it down to the small jellybean shaped mark on the side of her ring finger and the subtle blue webbing of her veins beneath the skin.

"Do you want to talk about her?" Marian's voice cuts.

Robin flinches. Was it that obvious? "I'm sorry," he says, and he is. But now that the worlds have started they don't want to stop. "I thought if I could just forget her, forget her and remember how things were with you that everything would go back. But she… Gold actually, took away every memory of her and things didn't snap back into old patterns." He runs his free hand over his hair, leaving the blonde strands standing on end. "I knew I loved you, and I did, I always have and always will, but it wasn't True Love. The kiss failed and I knew, I knew, even if I couldn't admit it to myself that there was something missing and it wasn't just you…"

.

Marian squeezes Robin's hand and lets him talk uninterrupted. His words hurt less than she thought they would, perhaps because there is a lot in what he says that speaks to how deeply he once loved her. She knew something was different. He hasn't been the Robin she was married to since she came back. And there was that moment her first night in Storybrooke when he chased Regina out into the night. It had seemed too strange to understand then, but today it was clear. What she couldn't have anticipated was how readily Robin is spilling his heart. The Robin she remembered was never this free with his feelings, even when he wanted to be.

"I couldn't, I can't leave you." His tone is rueful, and the expression on his face reminds her so strongly of their son it makes her want nothing more than to give him a reassuring hug.

"Why not?" It's a genuine question. She knows he holds vows sacred, but for him she has been dead for decades longer than they were married. It seems like the 'until death we do part' section of their vow should give him the out he needs to be happy.

"I made a vow—"

Marian laughs, she does still know him after all. "Robin, I will always love you. You're the father of my son, you were my first love, and you're a wonderful man. But you are no longer the man I married. You were a widower longer than you were ever a husband, and I should have set you free long ago."

"Marian..." His voice is pained, but there's a brightness in his eyes she realizes she hasn't seen in a long time. She thinks it's hope and it stabs at her with sharp recrimination. How desolate and guilty he must have been in those first weeks of her return.

"We can get some papers or whatever it is you do in this land to make it official if you want." She shrugs. "I don't know how such things are done here. But as far as I am concerned, you have fulfilled every vow you ever made to me and now you are free."

Robin leans forward and presses a gentle kiss on her forehead. He whispers 'thank you' against her skin, his breath ruffling the wispy hairs along her hairline. When he pulls back he can't hide the upward quirk of his lips.

She's grateful he doesn't prolong his thanks. She knows this is the best thing for both of them, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Robin has been alone for decades, but for Marian their separation lasted only weeks. But that also means she sees the changes the time has wrought on her husband (former husband, she corrects her own thoughts). He's… she struggles to find the word she wants. Before today she would have described him as sad, but he's not sad today and the more serious aura persists. He's wiser, steadier, and all around mature in a way he wasn't before. She suspects some of this has to do with the mere passing of time, but she imagines being single father to a son who never ages for decades must ingrain a body with a super human patience. But she also thinks some of the change is because of Regina. For once Marian can think of her as Regina instead of the Evil Queen. The woman Robin has spent more time than she thinks he realizes describing bears no resemblance to the woman who sentenced her to death in the Enchanted Forest. Somewhere in the years Marian skipped by travelling through the portal, Regina became a compassionate, selfless woman. Surely no one could have predicted that!

Robin clears his throat. "There's someone waiting in the hallway to see his mummy, do you feel up to it?"

Marian nods quickly, suddenly she is desperate to see her son. They will have to explain all of this to Roland at some point, but given the number of stories her son has told her about Regina, she doesn't imagine he will see much to complain about.

Roland barrels into the room as soon as Robin opens the door and flings his little body up onto the bed, already talking a mile a minute about the great beam of light that was in the sky and does she like squirrels? and Little John makes the best griddle cakes.

Her eyes meet Robin's for a moment and they exchange a fond smile. One ear absorbing the sound of Roland's chatter, if not all of its content, Marian mouths "Go."

Robin gestures with his chin towards Roland and shakes his head no.

Marian rolls her eyes and says softly, "I promise I'll take good care of him. Doctor Whale says the curse did no lasting damage. I will escort our little man back to camp once my release papers are all in order. You need to go."

Robin doesn't make her tell him again. He smiles again, his eyes a little misty with gratitude, kisses Roland and then her on the head and leaves. He pauses at the door to look back at the family he is leaving but will never lose and Marian can't resist telling him to 'thank her for everything' or the giggle that rises up when he blushes a little before nodding. And then he's gone and it's just her and her son.

Marian turns all her attention to Roland. "Tell me more about the squirrels. Do they look like the Sherwood squirrels?"

.

Regina is standing beside Lake Nostros. The surface is so clear it is like glass. There's no tentative touch of the surface this time, she steps straight in, wading until the water laps, cold as ice, as the base of her spine.

A figure rises up in front of her. Its eye crinkle into a smile and Regina takes another step into the water as if pulled by the power of those smiling eyes. She doesn't even feel cold, just wet. And then there are a pair of arms twining around her and those eyes, those beautiful, bewitching eyes, are slipping closed as Robin's familiar lips descend for a kiss.

She lets him draw her under the water. She feels safe and cherished and she doesn't care that she's dying. This is the way she should go: in Robin's arms, his lips on hers.

Her heart is pounding against her ears as they sink deeper into the lake. It sounds like someone is knocking from the outside.

Even more slowly that the last few precious bubbles of air escaping her mouth, Regina floats upwards towards consciousness. She forces her sticky eyes, half glued from crying, open. The knocking hasn't stopped.

She staggers more than walks to the door. Her body aches, though from the physical or emotional strain she couldn't say. She unlocks the bolt and opens her door. She's still dreaming. Surely this isn't real.

"Robin? What are you…?" But he doesn't let her even finish the question. His lips claim hers and he presses her, unresisting, back against the wall, pushing the door shut with one arm, the other firmly twined in the hair at her temple.

She breaks away after a minute, her lungs desperate for air, her brain swimming with questions and accusations and fear that this really is still a dream and any moment she will wake up all alone on the couch with only some cheesy TV special for company. "Robin... What about Marian?"

"Set me free." He says, his fingers brushing almost restlessly over her skin as if to assure himself she's really there. "I told her..." His eyes are glued to hers, his pupils so dilated she can see her own dazed expression in the blackness. "I told her everything, and she set me free."

"Everything?" Regina is having trouble drawing breath. There's an aching hope in her chest threatening to erupt into tears at any moment.

"Well... Almost everything. I told her you were my second chance, not my second choice." Robin punctuates his statement with a kiss to the side of her mouth. "How you are selfless and good." Her cheek. "How you love our son." Her temple. "How you tried everything you could to protect my family."

Regina closes her eyes, letting him rain kisses all over her face as he talks. A tear slips from beneath her eye lashes and he kisses it away.

"But I didn't tell her I wanted you even when I couldn't remember knowing you. I didn't tell her that every moment we were in the enchanted forest I felt like there was a hole in my chest, like I would never be happy again." Robin continued. "And how I knew that wasn't because she was frozen, even if I didn't know what it was. I didn't tell her how when you bite your lip when you're nervous I want to kiss you so badly I can hardly breathe." His mouth hovers over hers for a moment, but he drops it, pressing a kiss against the pulse point on her throat instead. "Or how your skin always smells just a little like apples." His tongue flicks out to taste her. "Or how when you're in a room it's like everything else is muted, only you're in full color."

Regina is crying now. Tears she thought had spent themselves falling down her cheeks too quickly to wipe away. But these aren't like the tears she sobbed out so painfully on the floor. They're being pushed out by a warm, radiating feeling in her chest. She thinks it might be joy.

Robin pulls her against his chest, the soft cotton of his shirt absorbing her tears. He strokes her hair, pressed his lips against her hair, and breathes her in while she cries. He doesn't try to shush her as a shuddering sob shakes her frame. When she quiets down and her breathing begins to even out he pulls back so he can look straight into her eyes.

"I will always love my former wife, but I am In Love with you, Regina Mills. The evil queen with the soft spot for children. You are my happy ending. That is, if you'll have me."

Regina smiles so widely she thinks her face might crack, a laugh of pure happiness bubbles from her throat, and then his lips are on hers and she stops trying to name the feelings coursing through her body. Names don't matter. Nothing matters, except his hands pulling at the hem of her shirt, his breath on her skin, her name on his lips.

a/n: I hope you have enjoyed reading this half as much as I enjoyed writing it. This was definitely a story I wrote because I _had to_. I adore Regina and the denial yet again of her happy ending broke my heart. Writing this went a long way towards healing it. Although, I'm still waiting on tenterhooks to see how the show will right our ship. Please review :)


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